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I abuse those closest to me,
And so, for your own protection,
I build walls that would make the Chinese envious.
If you find a break,
And dare to wiggle yourself through,
I lash out.
I scream, I yell, I throw remote controls at trembling heads.
I am mean without trying.
I don’t like to hurt you.

I stole your eyes from your head
While you were sleeping- unawares.
I felt a burning need to see myself
Through your eyes.

I hate myself, you call me beautiful.
I get cut, you bleed.
I blow myself into pieces, you glue the puzzle back together.

I had to know-
What are you seeing in me that I can’t?

Midnight surgery.
Placing your still warm eyes into my own head
I can see.
The edges of the world are not blurry,
And everything gives off a slightly golden aura.

I look at myself,
With the theft of your vision.
I see a strange thing.
Me, but not me.

I sleep next to you-
Spread eagle-
To take up as much space as possible.
I look incredibly vulnerable,
Lying there trying to be big in my slumber.
My lips are puffy and cracked, but it suits me.
There is yesterday’s eyeliner smeared under my eyes.
My curls have gone crazy and spewed themselves in all directions.
I look tired. I look small. I look innocent. I look scared.

Your eyes love the slight.
They shoot balmy messages to my brain that scream:
Love! Beauty! Protect! Console! Embrace!

My brain is confused by these signals.
It knows its owner would never warrant the idea of needing protection.
I peel back my eyelids and remove your view from my head-
Place it back where it belongs.

Then I look at you.
Honey, drugs are not a good thing.
They skew your ability to see things for how they are.

Love is the worst drug of all.